Harry potter and the Toothpick
by HermioneeBlack
Summary: Harry gets a wand at three instead of at eleven and the world will never be the same again. AU, Crack fic!.
1. Chapter 1

Well, If I don't write it, This particular thing is going to circle my head again,again and again. It's disrupting my mood, my life. So on it goes.

Any who wishes to co-write or add even a single chapter is welcome.

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This is not a story of famous Harry potter. No,No,it's not dearies! It is the story of Rowan Ravenperch. Or Raven Rowanperch? It doesn't matter that no one remembers his name. It also doesn't matter in a story of about hundred thousand words, only fifty are about him. Even so, this is the story of Rowan or Raven, not Harry potter.

You see, he is born to a certain Billy stubbs and Amy Dawson. His father died in the war, his mother seduced the man that informed her of his death. Unlike Harry Potter who's own aunt and uncle hated him, Rowan's stepfather doted on him. He did not even bat an eye when found his adopted son is a wizard. Rowan went to Hogwarts, and promptly skidded fell on Tom Riddle at his sorting, Tom's slytherin head boy badge imprinting rather firmly on Rowan's forehead smack in the middle. Never mind he did not even register in Tom Riddle's remotest mental periphery. Rowan has the mark till to day.

But that's all over and done with, Rowan hadn't thought about in like fifty odd years. Yet, when he read the prophesy of boy who lived, he immediately knew it's not Harry Potter that's in the prophesy. It's him. It is he who is supposed to be the one who vanquishes the dark lord. You see, he worked in Ministry cleaning department, not just any cleaning department, the one that cleans department of Mysteries, the highest you can reach among Janitors. Imagine his surprise when he stole a time turner one day with full intention of being arrested for it and finally, finally achieving some form of fame, then that very night boy who lived trashes the entire time room.

Rowan can not forgive it. He has worked tirelessly towards his goal of achieving infamy, yet bloody boy who lived breaks it all on a whim. He will get his due. Obviously, it stood to reason that endeavor takes few years to be thought of and planned. After all, Rowan thought slow, acted even more slowly. Yet, looking at the prophesy, he could not contain his anger. Sodding Harry potter stole his fame. This can not go unanswered. So, he did the first rash thing in his life, and used the time turner he stole from the ministry to go to the night Harry is attacked.

No, he is not going to kill Harry Potter. He is not Tom. He is better. You see, when Rowan is just out of Hogwarts, he figured the best way to achieve fame is opening a wand shop. After all, every wizard needs wand, thus every one knows the wand maker. So, he apprenticed under Ollivander. Thus, he knew the secret that no wand maker guarded as jealously as a dragon guarded her eggs. The most powerful wand a wizard can use is always made with his own hair or blood. The downside is there is no off switch on his wand. If one were to attempt a task that's too much for their magic, the wand allows all the magic to be applied to the task, draining his core and killing the wizard.

When Ollivander realized Rowan had no compunctions against making such wands, in fact, making one such for him self, he promptly threw him out after wiping his memory. How ever, Rowan made notes with in notes, one such note survived, thus he knew how to make this wand. His plan is simple. Make one such wand, leave it in hands of child Harry potter. Sooner or later, he will use the wand for some thing too big and die on his own. It's simple, and brilliant. If only it worked out that way.

Rowan has arrived at the scene exactly when he thought he will, but he only had time to collect his materials, hair and blood of the child, father and mother's little finger bones. He had to flee, for the infamous Sirius Black arrived at the scene. Rowan was sure he will finish the job his lord started. Imagine his surprise when he read news next day and brat who lived is still living just fine. Thus, Rowan made his little wand for the brat. Now, he wanted to get the wand to the hands of the brat, but he soon discovered that is neigh impossible.

Then he had his most brilliant idea. The boy went to live with muggles. He knew the general area of where the boy lived. The wand he made is small, too small to be put in toys section. Thus, he put it in a tooth pick box, cast strongest and simplest compulsion on it for the muggles harboring Harry potter. After all, they are muggles. How long can they resist such powerful magic? It seems, the answer is very very long.

It must be said, Petunia's resistance to the compulsion is not just extraordinary, but downright a miracle. Such resistance to mental magic in muggles is more than admirable. At last, it's not petunia who caved in, but Vernon. He visited the grocery store that is out of their way by fifteen miles to just buy a toothpick box. Had it been any time but Christmus, Petunia would have immediately doubted there is some thing wrong with this particular box and would have thrown it out. As such, it's christmus, she could imagine the rush that will be at all the groceries, thus put the box right beside their meal. She did not realize she is drinking more than she normally does. Or that Vernon is drinking far more than he normally does.

Young Harry Potter is adequately scared of approaching his aunt and uncle. How could he not with the thrashing he got when he asked his aunt for a birthday present. Yet, this is christmus, and every one got a present at christmus. His cousin got thirty presents and he already broke his toy soldier. If he put that near aunt Petunia, may be she will give it to him when he asked for a present. After all, some times his aunt hugged and kissed him when she drank funny smelling juice. He had to be brave, for a chance like this will not arrive ever again. Thus, Harry approached his aunt carefully.

"Aunt Petunia, May I have a present too?" he asked, giving a meaningful glance to broken toy soldier.

Vernon hiccuped.

"Here Boy, Why don't you have this for a present?" he asked as he swung his fist. It sailed right below Harry's stomach. Vernon over balanced and fell from his chair. Harry scurried away to avoid being crushed by his uncle's bulk. Petunia pointed at Vernon and giggled. Harry repeated his plea. Petunia looked around to see why the boy is so insistent. She is a shrew even when drunk. Her eyes soon fell on the broken Toy soldier. Aha! So that's what the boy wanted. Thinking him self oh so clever, by putting a broken toy near them and all. Lily was like that too. Thinking her self oh so clever, with her wand and rats in her pockets and her easy smiles. Oh no, she will not give the boy what he wanted. She will do one better.

She will give him a wand that doesn't work. After all, once he knew it's a wand, he will only try to his freak things only with a wand. She knew their wands must be made all special and all. Some thing about unicorn tails and all. Ha! As if the unicorns are real. She's loosing it. Wait a minute. A toothpick! Now a toothpick will never work like a wand. She knew. The wooden stick her sister got is all fancy, bought at a special place. So, Petunia grabbed the ugliest toothpick she can see, one which looked like chicken bone with hair stuck in it.

"Here! A present. A magic wand, fit for a freak. Now, Scat!" she handed him the tooth pick, waved him threateningly off in the direction of his cupboard.

Harry knew as soon as he received the present it's special. It's a special wand exactly like Aunt petunia said. He did not want to loose his special present to Dudley by any means, so he scampered as fast as he can in to his cupboard.

"Become big." he waved his wand at his cupboard.

His cup board grew. It grew to be as big as Dursley's living room and it kept growing.

Harry's smile couldn't be more brilliant.

He kept waving his magic wand again and again, ordering it to do make his bed big, fluffy, his room warm, flowers to grow from corners, light to shine , to display fireworks, make a toy soldier dance, steal cake from right under Dudley's nose, then some more. For the first time after he came to live with his aunt and uncle, Harry slept in warm room, fluffy bed, with a cuddly toy and full belly. He never felt more loved, he was never more happier.

Some where in Scotland a scale re-arranged to increase the power ten folds.


	2. Chapter 2

Magic is not a solution to all problems, young Harry Potter discovered to his chagrin. He could magically refill his glass of juice, but when Aunt Petunia noticed level of orange juice reducing in decanter, she took it away. He can make soggy bread hot and fluffy, but he has to receive one in the first place. He learned fast food must come from some where. It could be his aunt's pantry, or it could be the super market. Magic is so much more reluctant to get him any thing from super market.

Over the next few days, Harry potter worked out a system. He could get water any time. He could get orange juice or milk in the night, but he had to remember to clean the cup and place in cup board too. It is better to drink milk, because milk carton is not transparent like juice bottle is. His aunt now marked the last level on every juice bottle, counted the number of toasts and such.

It is better to eat veggies too, for Dudley and Uncle vernon both hated those, as such, no one cared if few went missing. If he wanted meat at all, he should cut meat in small pieces, even then, eat only little, wipe his mouth real clean before she came by to give him any thing. He could not make any thing become hot and fresh at the table, for if he so much as opened his mouth to do any thing other than swallow, the food is confiscated.

He initially thought his aunt gave him the magic wand wholeheartedly, but over the next few days he realized if she really knew it to be any thing more than ugly toothpick, she will take it away. So, he kept it hidden in his socks, which he only made to fit him, not new or clean. One real advantage of having magic wand? Dudley could not steal his lunch box any more.

Some times when he is really pissed, he switched what's in his lunch box with what's in Dudley's. How ever, Dudley always tattled to his mother, consequently, Harry had to go to bed with out dinner. How ever, Dudley now got in enough accidents to not go after Harry if he is alone. He only did it when his friends are with him, even then, Harry is faster than them so he is able to run away just fine.

In school, now when ever it is time for stories, Harry always asked for magic stories. He now knows all magic stories, snow white, Rupunzel, Sleeping beauty and even Alice in the wonderland. Teacher said he is too young for Alice in the wonderland, but Harry read it any way. He immediately knew Alice in the wonderland is a real magic story, while all others are only fantasies.

He wished he could make potions too, but from what he read in Alice, he needs to have a recipe book for that. He tried to get a recipe book through magic, but he could not get any. He, in his zeal to learn of all magic books, tried to learn to read and write quite fast. When teacher wrote on his book that he is very smart and Dudley is slow, Aunt petunia became quite angry. She sent him to his cup board with out his books and bag. Harry learned his lesson well from this. He got all single digit marks on next test, and aunt petunia scoffed at his marks, but he got his books and bag back.

It is during this time Dudley got invitation to Piers's birthday. His aunt never took him to such parties. He is left to stay at . Harry usually did not like 's biscuits, how ever, this time he has his magic wand. So, he told the biscuits become sweet and soft, and they became exact same biscuits he wanted them to be. He happily ate all biscuits on the tray.

"Do you want to look at picture books Harry?" asked him.

"Actually , can I read. I would like to read any magic book you have."

"My My! Already interested in magic, are you? Well, you can read any of those books." pointed to the shelf.

Harry could clearly see "Magic for Sqibs", by Fidelis Federos. You see, these books are special. Magical world is not lacking in arseholes. Among these, Federos belonged to a rare breed. That is, a smart arsehole. The book is only visible to squibs, and magical children in homes of squibs. It contained spells of such complexity and power, even an fully grown wizard can't attempt them easily.

Simply put, it's a very nice way of swindling money from Squibs. When the spell did not work, the squibs will blame them selves and try again, if any of the magical children in squib's homes attempt these spells, they will either die because of draining magic core, or hurt their magic core so much, it will never recover. Thus, weeding out bad seeds. At least, in the eyes of Federos.

Now, for some thing like this to be running as long as five hundred years, there must be some thing special about them. In fact, there is some thing special about these books. They carry a most intricate notice me not charm for both wizards and muggles. Thus, they are running unimpaired for five hundred years, and now, perhaps their time has come.

Harry knew with in a moment of opening the book this book is special. It has spells for growing a tree with in a day, spells to increase the size of his room sixteen fold, to make his ceiling look like sky, to speak to people in dreams and so many more. He knew he has to get this book. The best way is to make magic bring this book to him, but he did not want to do it.

Over the last month, he noticed the magic always felt slimy and unhappy if he did some thing bad. Such as switching his meal with Dudley's, take his most favorite toy or get fruit from super market instead of from his pantry. He could only conclude magic did not like stealing at all. He wanted his magic happy, so he returned the orange from super market. So, he had to ask to borrow the book and he prayed to every god out there that she will agree.

" , can I borrow this book, please?" he asked, turning his puppy dog eyes full force.

It never got any thing from aunt petunia, but some times the teachers in his school caved if he looked like this. Luckily, is no exception. So, he got the book, and he placed it in his bag, which he had to make big to fit the book. His cup board is too big now to be called cup board any way, so he took it to his room, not cup board.

He is sent to bed only after eating a bad sandwich from day before and apple cores, for the pieces are only for Dudley and Vernon. How ever, Harry couldn't be happier. He ate the cores enthusiastically, freaking his aunt out with his eagerness. He put a full seed of sweetest apple in his hand and took it to his cup board as is with his bag. He couldn't wait to try magic.

He wrote all fifty symbols he had to write with five stones surrounding the apple seed. He checked and double checked every thing, for the book said even the slightest mistake will result in strange outcomes. So, he wrote all fifty symbols, practiced reading the page long spell twice, and then one more time just to be safe. Then, tapping the each stone in order, he repeated the spell exactly as the book said.

Nothing happened. Harry waited some more time to see the tree grow, but nothing what so ever happened. Disappointed with the outcome, yet deciding to try next day any way, Harry went to sleep. Next day, he woke up with leaves in his face, and an apple right besides his head and a tree occupying his entire room. It worked. Harry would have jumped in jubilation if he had any space to do so. The apple tree is absolutely gigantic. The room which he thought is too big only has enough space to crawl now. As such, he had to crawl through branches, pull at his bag to even get to his wand.

He told his room to get bigger, but the tree stayed in the same bent shape it has grown in. Harry sighed, but there's naught to be done for now. So, he crawled through the branches to get to the cup board door, but plucked the apple and kept it in his bag any way. He doesn't have to starve any more, if he doesn't want to, and his magic need not be unhappy at all that he is getting some thing from super market in stead of pantry. Harry Potter felt content. There is nothing in the world that can get to him now.


	3. Chapter 3

Some one had the audacity to give Dudley a tea party set as present. Harry bet any thing it is pretty Pia. If Dudley's gang is scary for the boys, the equivalent for girls is pretty Pia. No one crossed her. Every one knew that.

She, obviously being a girl, never shouted, swore or even so much as scoffed in the direction of her assailants. Yet, accidents happened. If you swore at her, you slipped accidentally on an apple peel even after you checked the entire floor.

Harry had his wand, but Pia worked with out any wand, and she is ingenious. He learned a boat load of things watching her. Dudley pulled on her pig tails. Harry knew sooner or later his comeuppance will come, but he did not know it will be this soon.

Aunt petunia has to do a boat load of phone calls. She tried initially to talk bad about Pia, but Harry could tell it did not work. So, Aunt petunia had to beg to get Dudley an invite, and every one knew Pia's return home gifts are the best they are going to get.

While every one of the boys got toy soldiers, Dudley got a girly girly tea party set. He is happy till the time he found out the scones in there are actually wax figurines, not real ones. Then he cried bloody murder, aunt Petunia promised him to buy boat loads of real scones and Harry snickered in to his hands the entire time.

Even so, the tea party set looked useful. It has a table, chairs and even an kitchen knives. They are all too small, but Harry is sure he can increase size and use it. He asked his aunt petunia politely if he can have the set. She refused, and Dudley became all the more fond of the set for no reason other than Harry liked it. Harry switched to the contingency plan.

"Sure Dudders. If you want to play tea party, I will even pretend to be your girl friend." Harry smiled at Dudley, from near uncle Vernon.

Uncle Vernon's face turned puce, while aunt petunia glared at him. Harry knew with out doubt he is going to bed with out dinner now. That's not a problem though. He has an apple tree in his cup board that grew never ending apples. Vernon ripped the tea party set out of Dudley's hands and placed it in to Harry's hands, shoving him in to the cup board.

"No son of mine will be a nancy boy like the freak. You are not a Nancy boy, are you Dudders?" both Vernon tried to sweet talk Dudley.

Harry smirked behind his cup board doors. They will probably go and buy him a fancy airplane toy, but to day is a win for Harry. He got an entire ensemble to fill a dining room. He picked up his wand and moved to the other side. His wand did not like him getting things with out asking first. It's okay if he asked and was rejected, then it's fine, but not with out making an attempt at asking.

When he did receive stuff after asking, his wand worked quite well. Harry guessed his wand does not want him to become a thief like Dursleys are always yelling at him. He shrugged it away. For now, removing the bed from apple tree. The tree did not become straight no matter how many times he waved his wand and how many ever methods he gave for the tree to become straight.

So, Harry increased size of his room again, now the ceiling is so high, he wouldn't even hear when Dudley jumps on steps. He even made the steps strong, so they hopefully will not creak. After that, he opened the tea party set. It has a dining table, two chairs, cups and plates smaller than his thumb nail and equally small scone platter. Harry set them all correctly.

"Become big." he said pointing his wand towards them.

They became big. When they did, Harry could clearly see the lumps of plastic where it's not smoothed correctly, ugly pink of the chairs where dirt is stuck with ever nauseating smell of plastic. He noticed with growing dismay that the plates and kettle do not even stand right on the table when they are grown.

"Become nice." he said pointing at the table.

He did not think it will work, but it did. The table smoothed out it self so it stood firmly on all three legs. The legs them selves turned from ugly yellow plastic to a nice oak finish. The white part of table top turned to marble, while the middle turned to glass. The scones platter turned to china, the kettle cleaned up in in to a tidy little pot who's top set well in to it's opening.

The chairs them selves turned in to matching oak wood, while the ugly pink rubber turned in to a smooth and shiny silk. What Harry previously thought of as pieces of dirt are actually rubber pieces imitating crystals sewn, they actually turned in to real shining crystal. The silverware which was previously all a amalgamated lump of plastic with lines in it separated in to clear knives, forks and spoons with matching design as tea plates and sparkling steel.

"Wicked!" Harry exclaimed looking at the set.

He sat at the table, placed three apples on the scones platter. He closed his eyes and imagined him self cooking with flour, yeast, butter and hot water.

"Apple Scones. Biscuits." he ordered and immediately there were two apple scones, butter milk biscuits and apple cider on the table.

You see, Harry figured out a way to get food with out making his magic wand unhappy. Aunt petunia kept tabs on orange juice, eggs, milk packets and meat. How ever, she did not keep any tabs on the milk cartons, flour bags or sugar bag. Thus, if Harry imagines the recipe in his mind, and ingredients coming from the unopened bags them selves which aunt petunia bought, his magic is happy.

He still would have to know the entire recipe by heart, must imagine the process all correctly, but as long as he does that, there is no wait time for the food to come to plate. He can totally imagine and get every thing on his plate in no time. When harry accidentally made this discovery, he hounded Petunia for literally every recipe he owns.

In fact, he has hounded her so much about the cooking, Petunia banned him from the kitchen for a week. Harry had no problems with that though. His aunt assigned him the duty of shining pots for indoor plants, and he can watch her uninterrupted. After the week of freak out, Petunia caved in and taught Harry every thing he needs to know.

Now, Harry always made plenty extra, knowing his relatives, he sent his portions to cup board early on. His magic has no problems with that. One would think it is a dangerous habit to get in to, as you can convince your magic is perfectly happy with murder and then murder away with no abandon, but it is just a fact of magical life that most witches and wizards accepted. After all, magic came first, then magical folk came by.

Either way, Petunia and Vernon both found no particular problem with their nephew, for he did his chores really fast and stayed in his cup board with no fuss other than for bathroom. Or so they thought. Harry , for his part, is summoning all kinds of fruits from the super market and growing them in his cup board. He learned his lesson fast when he grew a jack fruit and his entire cup board started to stink. He had to cut the fruit every day after a day and send it to a place that's happy to receive it. Well, if hungry people in some strange place had some thing to eat one more day, all the more better.

The next magic trick he chose to learn is door way or portal, as the book called it. He had to learn a specialized language with a whole of five hundred symbols for even starting upon the basics of the portal, but it sounded dead useful. You can just write a shape on wall surrounded by these symbols, and then enter any where the matching exit is. He doesn't have to walk all the way to school.

No more late to school, no more late to home. He could even write these symbols some where, then he could create hiding corners from Dudley. If he so wants to, he can come home right in to his cup board for recess, then go back to school just as recess finishes. Dudley and his gang would never be able to catch him. Harry Potter decided. Come heaven or hell, he is going to become so good at creating these portals, no one will be able to catch him. AS they say, the rest is history.


	4. Chapter 4

For those of you unaware, which I guess is no one ~ a "Crack" fic means some thing that takes more than liberal artistic license.

For some strange reason, FF's document manager got some beef with abbreviations of mr and mrs. it always cuts them off when I upload. It's so annoying. If I hadn't clearly remembered typing and retyping this part, I would think it's some thing I did.

Reviewers: Thank you guys. You make my day.

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There's a silver lining to Harry trying to learn as many symbols as he can to create a portal. No, it's not succeeding to create a portal, but failing to achieve good grades. Now many of you guys might wonder how in the world that's a good thing?

It simply meant Harry proved to be naturally stupider than Dudley, as such, aunt Petunia did not at all mind when he vanished in to his cup board after doing his chores to do his home work. In fact, she even let him the picture books which might have become too simple for Dudley ( she liked to think the ends worn out because of reading, not because Dudley liked to bash them on walls), even let him read along with Dudley at times, so that it may help his cerebral development.

While Harry might have appreciated these renewed efforts from aunit petunia to educate once upon a time ( a week ago), Now they are nothing but distractions in on his way to learn how to create a portal. Harry, concluding that learning how to create a portal is more important than writing an imaginary fiction or doing his homework, sufficiently fell behind in both to make Dudley look a nerd.

That resulted in strangest out come ever. Aunt Petunia, mistakenly assuming that Dudley is some kind of whiz kid, now forced him to sit and do all his home work, puzzles and scientific questionnaires and such. That meant his aunt spent not a single moment in kitchen cooking food. i.e. Harry can cook entire dinner with his wand and send food to his room with out any kind of problem what so ever.

Aunt petunia even gave him more food for finishing early and docilely waiting in his cup board while she called him out for dinner. Harry got almost four meals a day, far smaller than what Dudley consumed in a single meal, but four meals none the less. He never went hungry at all. The only thing he needs to do now is find a way to create that portal, so he can solve the bathroom problem too.

Time passed. Harry learned at least ten symbols a day, but it's not enough to learn the symbols. He had to learn the sequence too, and there shouldn't even be minutest mistake when creating the portal. If there's even smallest of the mistakes, the portal will collapse if he is lucky, if he is unlucky... Harry dreaded to consider that option. The book depicted gruesome images of a black hole eating away at people, people accidentally vanishing in to the portals never to return.

It's fine if he gets the back lash of the collapsing portal. Harry feared the consequences of what happens if Dudley is the one to accidentally go in to the portals. As much as his family ignored him, he did not dislike them. After all, Aunt Petunia gave him, Harry the freak, magic wand, not Dudley. Even his uncle Vernon gave him the tea party ensemble, which now finished his dining room.

He even did not hate Dudley, for if Dudley is not there, there wouldn't be any toys or otherwise entering the home at all. If there are no broken or ugly toys, Harry would get no toys what so ever. The story books! If it's any child other than Dudley, They would have probably hoarded the story books. Dudley some times threw a book under the door in to the cup board, just so Aunt petunia won't press him to read it again. Harry liked his story books.

All in all, he liked his life just fine the way it is, if he can have some unconventional solutions to some of the problems, all the more better. Thus, Harry learned the symbols painstakingly, all five hundred of them. Then he laboriously learned the rune sequence, written the sequence in school toilet with crayons on the wall for an entrance, repeated the same in his cup board for an exit.

He even went to school to go potty and came back. How ever, when he woke up in the morning and had to go urgently, he could not go to school lavatory at all. For the first time in a long while, Harry cried. He almost peed in his pants. It's all the more hard to hold it in when he hadn't planned for it. It is quite hurtful to go through all the trouble and the portal to work only once.

In his bad mood, he accidentally burned the bacon. Aunt Petunia whacked his head with ladle for not paying attention. He would have cursed, but he knew well enough if he did not keep his manners, his aunt won't even give him the burnt toast. So, he kept his cool, stopped his tears from falling, drank his meager glass of milk, dragged him self all the way to school.

The first thing he did in the recess was to run to lavatory and check for his rune markings. They are not there any more. The wall is as clean as it was yesterday. Harry thought he should write the set again, but he hadn't gotten any lee way to do that. He could already hear Dudley's gang approaching, if they caught him here, they will try to dunk him in toilet.

So, he scurried out of the toilets as fast as possible, and went to his most secret hideyhole, the nook behind the stairs. It's too small for any of Dudley's gang to fit in, except for Piers, but piers did not know about this place. Harry wrote the rune matrix on the dusty wall for no reason other than to pass time.

He did not use this entrance, nick named "not cupboard", for no other reason than he did not have the inclination at the moment. Harry is surprised when he tried going through this portal the next day morning and it worked. It worked the day after too, while the rune markings that he wrote in toilets kept vanishing mysteriously.

Harry, unable to resist the mystery, copped out one day in the toilets after all his chores are finished. If push comes to shove, he can always leave through his 'not cupboard' exit. That is how he discovered what's happening. As soon as children left, the janitors came and cleaned the place thoroughly. That meant, any and all crayon markings. How ever, it is not the same for the shelf under the stairs, for no one looked in there for crayon markings, and crayon markings them selves are really small.

Harry left that day pondering over a solution. He wondered about it the day after and the next and the best he could come up is he will need some kind of tool that makes the writing super small or super invisible. Harry tried making the crayon markings invisible, but even so, some how they got wiped away. Harry, as some one knowledgeable of this entire cleaning business, assumed that some one is cleaning the walls even if they don't see any crayon markings or otherwise.

Thus, his need for some thing sharper. He could get Dudley's things, but he did not know what to get. Plus, his magic did not like it when he took some thing deliberately. That day, Harry learned a lesson. Good things will make you put in effort one way or another. He has received his wand only after braving wrath of Aunt petunia and a beating from uncle Vernon. From the moment the wand came in to his hands, it's making him think one way or another, either for some thing as simple as learning recipes, or for some thing as complex as this portal. He knew with out a doubt this portal is a good thing. Thus, it is going to need a lot more work from him. So, he went on to read other things in the magic book.

Days passed. Harry continued reading through the magic book. There are many other things he can do. He could put some symbols on his blanket so he can meet people in dreams. How ever, there are way too many symbols he did not know. There's one to create a fire place which burned every thing but wood. That would not be useless, but Harry can just as well take some thing and throw in the bin.

There's one to make people not notice some thing, and it only had like ten symbols Harry did not learn. There's another to get things of a specific description, how ever far they may be or how many obstacles there may be in the path. There's one to knit in to the blanket and his clothes, so he could better if he is hurt and in winter, he can stay as warm as he can. There's one that can even make his roof look like sky at all times. How ever, Harry did not know how to knit. Plus, the summer is already here.

Harry finally learned the symbols needed to place what the book called notice me not ward and placed it just after the brooms and cleaning supplies. He is absolutely sure if aunt petunia noticed his room is bigger than Dudley's, she will make him take the bed room. Harry liked his magical cup board.

Soon, It's July is ending. Harry woke up full of anticipation on the day of his birthday. Aunt Petunia cooked to day instead of him, and he is given five more minutes to bath. Its' cold water as usual, but just for this day, Harry carried his wand in to the bath room. He told the water to become warm and guess what? They did. He had a nice warm shower, and even a toast with orange marmalade and a pancake and syrup just as Dudley is having.

Harry went to school in high spirits. Dudley did try to chase him during the lunch hour, but Harry escaped to through his portal and came back just as lunch finished. When he came back home, he heard they are going to movies. Harry could not contain his happiness. That is, until they were about to leave and his aunt informed he is not part of the entourage. Had it been like before, Harry wouldn't have done this. Hell, if he hadn't been living in as much comfort or had as much energy, he wouldn't have done it. How ever, Harry is a healthy four year old, being told on your birthday that you are the only one not going to movies is unacceptable.

"Why? I want to come too." Harry screamed at his aunt and uncle.

The lights started flickering in the living room.

Petunia cuffed him in the back to snap him out of his tantrum, while Vernon grabbed him by the scuff of his neck. Dudley smirked at him from behind his father's legs, while Harry growled at him. The flowerpot besides Dudley exploded. Vernon turned purple.

"That's it boy. No dinner for you. You will stay in there until you learn your lesson." uncle Vernon growled at him before throwing him in the cup board. He even turned the fuse off, so Harry would not even have a light bulb In his cup board. Harry is not afraid though. He still had his wand, and he knew he can make light with it. So he did.

Time passed. With it, Harry's indignation slowly ebbed away. Harry slowly, but surely realized he has let his temper ruin a golden opportunity of staying alone in the house. Yes, the Dursleys may go to movies, how ever, had he not thrown that tantrum, he would have stayed outside his cup board, then he could have watched how much ever television he wanted. God, he is so stupid. There's nothing to be done for it though.

So, Harry did the only thing he can. He opened his magic book and started flipping through looking for some thing he can do, that's actually might be interesting. Too many symbols he did not know. Too big a spell he did not want to read. He flipped. Spell to summon items of specific description. He knows almost all symbols. He read on.

The spell summoned items of specific description mentioned in the runic circle. Like Harry called his portals either not cupboard, or magnolia tree or some such, this particular spell needs a specific description, only this should be some thing like so and so items. Harry perked up. He could summon a cake. He could even get presents.

So, he learned the all of five symbols he did not know, all wrote all the hundred and fifty symbols he did know correctly, and filled up the place for the items to be summoned as cake and presents. Then, he lit up the array with his wand. Nothing happened. Harry waited. Nothing happened. He double checked his symbols and waited some more. Nothing happened. Harry opened the book again and read through the entire description twice. It is on the third read he figured the problem. The spell said to be as descriptive and as specific as possible.

Harry removed the paper he placed in the circle of description, amended 'cake' to Harry potter's birthday cake. Then, he amended 'presents' to Harry potters' birthday presents. Then he placed the description, and activated the spell once more. Nothing happened. Harry, felt dejected even having expected this outcome. How ever, just as he turned his back to the spell he sensed the change.

There is a package there. Harry eagerly took the package, and opened it to see what's in there. It looked like chocolate fudge. Harry couldn't have smiled wider. There's even a letter associated with the fudge, from some one called Ginny. She wished him a happy birthday, and hoped he enjoyed the fudge. Harry did not know who this is, but he sure hoped he could meet her. How ever, that's not the end.

A cup cake with a single candle on it was next. Harry eagerly picked it up, lit the candle with his wand. A man's voice sang birthday song to him. The voice is sad and off key, but Harry liked it. The man even told him where ever he is, may he be happy. He called him pronglet, Harry doesn't know what it is, but he will sure find out. May be it is his dad. Or not, if it's his dad, then he would be living with him. May be it's a distant uncle. Harry hoped he can meet him too. The next is a teddy bear from some one called Bones, a weird golden ball from some one called vance, and a iron cauldron which he had no idea what to do with, but happy to receive any way.

As the runic array lit up and spewed out more presents, each more weirder than previous one. By the time it's all finished, Harry had quite the haul in his cup board. There's a little broom stick he had no idea what to do with, there's the golden ball, and some book in which the pictures moved, boat loads of chocolate, and boat loads of cake. More and more items started arriving even as Harry is putting away stuff. Harry is now quite thankful he hadn't gone to movies. He so would have missed all these if he had gone to movies. Harry is locked up in his cup board for a week this time. Harry did not even notice it this time around.


	5. Chapter 5

Albus Dumbledore was having a fairly normal summer. At least, fairly normal summer befitting that of a leader of light, headmaster of a school with most complex wards and a man involved in thousand and one schemes. That is, until he received news paper the day after Harry potter's birthday.

By the gods, the articles. Every one is suddenly ridiculously ecstatic because Harry potter is receiving his birthday presents. Yes, he is not responding back, but he has taken his presents. It started a new frenzy among the entire magical folk to buy and send presents to Harry potter.

Albus had no idea what's happening, but he will find out. Oh, he will find out. If it's any one else in Albus's place, they would have immediately bought a toy and sent it off with a tracking charm to Harry potter's place. How ever, Those kind of people are called pawns. He may be a dumb leader, but he is not dumb enough to panic and he is most certainly not going to send of a stupid toy with a stupid tracking charm. Albus is more cunning and subtle than that.

So, he went off to buy a child size magical shelf. You see, this is a special kind of shelf. This one, has got parental control charm on it, where in if child puts some thing dangerous in it, it will inform the parent, in this case, Albus Dumbledore. It also generates an inventory of all the items placed in the particular shelf, so Albus can tell by their description if this is some one's nasty trick. For all of these shelves, be it most basic of them or highest one with all bells and jingles, they will scream bloody murder to their parents. You see, perfect solution. If it's any one dangerous, he will know in a jiffy.

Thus decided, he went to buy a shelf. He went to Trunks, Tents and Trousseau's, who carried best of these items. Now, it must be said the owner of TTT is a smart fella. He is also Slytherin, while he may not have any specific grievances with headmaster personally, He hated him by principle and house solidarity. Given the excitement in air about Harry potter finally receiving his gifts, he could also guess why the head master is here. So, before headmaster can even toll the bell of the establishment, he packed away all of his child cabinets but the most expensive one. Nothing to make his day better like fleecing the galleons of golden lions.

"My, ! I had no idea you were having such a successful week end." He had every bit of an idea what the man is trying to do.

He settled him self for a long and hard bargain. A long and hard bargain it was. At the end of the day, Dumbledore had the most high end children's trousseau there is, with it's own dancing dragon, bubble generator, lovely lullaby's, a baby's potion kit, a training wand station, special compartment to store and contain dung bombs, fully stocked medicine, candy and stationary compartments, a toy broom storage box which did not come with a toy broom, how ever, it did have a quidditch storage with snitch and all balls, a kitchenette that came fully furnished with all baby sized elements to cook with in case the child is a girl, it even allowed for the fire to light up , of course automatically stocked it self from the parent's grocery, they did not condone thievery after all, a mini herbology kit, nothing dangerous of course, a runic block set for illusions of mini rain bows when magic is pushed in to them and even a children's potty which automatically picks them up and settles them atop it self so they can go. By the time Traverse shut up, Albus wanted to throttle him.

"What about the parent's plaque, mister Traverse?" Albus asked.

Traverse smile turned feral.

"Ofcourse Headmaster. It comes with the simplest plaque of all of them. You will not know a thing unless the child is in mortal danger. After all, we wouldn't want to take time off some one as important as you, can we?" he asked.

Albus knew he is going to get fleeced then. It is easier to accept the defeat now than after an hour of debate, but no one ever accused of Dumbledore of giving up fast. So, he hmm'd and haw'd, pointed out there are other multitude of shops he can go to (Traverse definitely knew there are none), threatened to call the ministry on him in violation of trade laws ( there are none, in case you are wondering), gently prodded him to rethink his money grubbing ways( what exactly does a merchant live on if he gives up profit?), to consider how many more parents will be interested in buying them up now that they knew who owns this one ( none. Every one knew mortality rate of children that Dumbledore liked), how much it would help to have Albus Dumbledore owe him one ( very little. Every one knew Gryff's always reneged on deals because of their bloody honor. A slytherin may be cunning, but you can count on them to pay their dues), then, he just coughed up the required amount of galleons and bought the bloody fancy rack. After all, it is instrumental for the light's champion's safety.

Thus, it is with great delight Harry potter retrieved his magic cabinet. He loved reading through it's manual, and he put the cabinet to good use. He doesn't have to worry creating portals to strange places at all, and even better, he doesn't have to worry about getting locked up in his cup board at all. He got every thing here to survive, he got more toys than Dudley ever can, he had enough space in his cup board to run around, best of them all, he got a flying broom stick.

Yes, it did not go much higher than his cup board roof, but that's more than enough. He had enough trees in cup board to make a forest, while he is a little bit sad that he does not have friends, he is by no means bored or deprived.

His aunt eventually got so frustrated with how he is keeping the energy, but she never checked his cupboard at all. Harry is always afraid that she is going to check his cupboard and take away all his toys, his magic cabinet, flying broomstick and all, but she always remembered some thing else at that time and went away. Harry eventually did not even mind not having friends.

Even though Dudley still hated him at school, he did not mind playing with him in news hour, for Uncle Vernon never let Dudley watch cartoons during that time. So, if Harry asked in news hour, Dudley played with him. How ever, both uncle Vernon and Dudley got angry if he ever mentioned that, so Harry had to never mention it at all. Thus, Harry is as happy as he can get, blood wards around privet drive are never more stronger.


	6. Chapter 6

Every one always underestimated plants. After all, they are green, soft and did not move. Well, at least most of them. If you wanted to go back and fight them, they are always there, waiting for you to just breeze in and cut their bloody heads off. Or trunks .. or stems.. that's besides the point. The point is no body thought much of plants, even wizards after seeing knowing whomping willow and devil's snare.

That is one reason neither Dumbledore, nor took flowers for toddlers seriously. After all, filled it with all kinds of Lily's, starting with the most magical one, going down from there. More magical the plant, more hard it is to get it to germinate. Even boy-who-lived couldn't get them to germinate. No sir, never.

Well, you know what they say. Never say never. Thus, the moment little harry found the kit, he set upon growing them. Had it been the normal way of put it in dirt, water it every day that's a prime number or that kind of standard procedure, he indeed would never have grown any. Alas, it is not to be.

Going with his luck, or the five year old sensibilities, the first plant Harry choose to grow is chomping Lily. Now some thing must be said about this plant. Chomping Lily is a predator of highest order. It has teeth as sharp and strong as a dragon, a musculature almost as strong, while it's legs are as short as a gnome's, they are numerous and it's as fast as a snitch. It only grew to the size of a cabbage, but for a five year old, that usually means loss of a limb or more.

Now, as much as Harry knows magic does exist, he had no idea how strong a dragon neither does he have any idea how fast a snitch is. So, he put five stones around it, and grew it any way. The result can only be described as most epic Harry hunting ever. The flower was ridiculously cute, with rippling green and pink stripes, three petals, with teeth on the edge.

Harry, being the curious little boy that he is, extended his hand to touch the petals. They snapped at him. It is only years of practice of escaping from his cousin and aunt that saved Harry. The anthers of flower are three eyes. All three black and beady eyes turned to Harry. Harry would swear the flower gave him a manic creepy grin. That is all the warning he got before the flower started running at him at a pace that should not have been possible for any thing called plant.

Harry's toe barely missed the flower's bite, only because the shoes were Dudley's, they are too big for him the first place. It was not even a tug of war. The chomping Lily bit and pulled, what were sneakers became open toed sandals. Harry did not need to be warned twice. He ran. He jumped on the apple tree, while the chomping Lily chomped at the bottom. Harry could feel the tree leaning already. He jumped on to the orange tree, picked a fruit, threw it at the flower.

It turned it's beady eyes on him. Harry threw the orange with all of his strength. Which is not much. Thus, instead of hitting the eyes and disorienting the plant for a while, the orange fit nicely in to petals and the flower chomped on it with glee. The juicy orangey petals turned to him hungrily. Harry picked up three more oranges and threw them around the room in three different directions, while he ran for the toy broom.

It is a magic broom that can fly, he did not see any wings on this flower from hell. He collected barely in time too, hearing the angry snap behind him. The little flower ate all three fruit, has reached him in this time. It angrily snapped at him, but when it realized he is not going to come with in reach, the flower ignored him and went for the apple tree.

Harry watched in dismay as the tree that spanned his entire room get decimated. Then he snapped in to attention. Aunt Petunia will kill him if the plant eats through the house. At the rate the little monster is going, it looked like it will indeed eat the entire house. He liked his life recently, and he is not going to let a little monster plant ruin his life.

Fire killed plants. Didn't it? How ever, his aunt did not like fire, and it is one thing he is not allowed to handle ever, regardless he does the entire cooking. So, fire is out of question. Harry looked about his room frantically. There's the scalpel he got as a gift, but to go to it, he would have cross underneath a branch, that's too near the chomping monster.

He looked around for any thing else. That is when his eyes fell on the weed killer. He swooped down to grab the bottle, which is too big for him. The broom leaned forward with the weight of the bottle. Regardless, he tried his best to handle the bottle but it slipped, fell on the fallen tree trunk and went sliding towards the flower monster's mouth. It, as it's behavior is chomped on the mouth. The weed killer went flooding in to it's mouth.

The flower stumbled, then it's mouth opened. It spewed forth half cut wood chunks and little bits of orange. Harry wasted no time. Even the weeds took some time to die on weed killer, the monster flower is by no means going to die. He grabbed the steel hanger his relatives gave him for his birthday and strung it through the flower's thistle, picked it up. The boy grimaced at the yucky mass that can only be described as woody vomit, but the flower is picked up, it seems to have finished it's spewing spree.

He looked balefully at the flower that is now strung on the steel hanger, which still snapped vigorously. Then he looked around at his room. The apple tree fell. It's trunk is half eaten, his bed squashed under one of the branches. The flower snapped again at empty air. If not for the hanger which he thought is the worst present he has received, he would not even have a way to deal with this monster plant. Harry shook his head and hung the strange plant on the branch reaching farthest, where the flower could reach nothing but air.

Harry learned great many things to day. Dudley is not scary. Never look down on a present, for you will never know when you will need it. Always read the entire explanation, before you attempt any thing. Just because some thing looks cute, doesn't mean it's not deadly. Even great trees fell to small flowers with strength. Last, but not the least, never ever, NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE PLANTS.


End file.
